


hey-la

by rummyjoe



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - All Fandoms, Thor (2011)
Genre: Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-06
Updated: 2012-07-06
Packaged: 2017-11-09 06:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rummyjoe/pseuds/rummyjoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"This is the first inter-species crossmating experience where the scientific community has a chance to gather data directly from the participants, and I think that, uh,” Darcy started to founder, “in the interests of… um. Scientific principle!” (Jane snorted), “you should, uh, share with the class the details of your hot inter-dimensional monkey love.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  <em>“You started out really well there,” Jane complimented her as they started walking toward the lab.</em></p><p> </p><p>  <em>“Thanks!” Darcy replied with a grin.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	hey-la

Jane refused to call into work the morning after Thor returned to Earth, no matter how much Darcy begged her to. She said she wanted to review all of the data while it was still fresh in her mind and had reports to fill out, but Darcy didn't see how she'd be able to concentrate on any of that, considering.

Being a good friend, however, as well as the most kickass personal assistant in the current era, Darcy waited at the elevator for Jane with a gigantic mocha espresso and only a few ulterior motives. Once Jane stepped foot in the lab, there was absolutely no chance she would talk about anything other than particles and dynamics and a bunch of other things that Darcy was only marginally interested in, so if she wanted to get any info about last night, she had to work fast.

Darcy sipped her own coffee (a caramel whipped cream concoction with nutmeg sprinkles) and almost spit it out when someone came up behind her and practically shouted, “Good Morning, Miss Lewis!”

She turned, prepared to deliver what she was sure would be a witty set-down, and found herself looking at Tony motherfucking Stark.

She'd met him a few times before - he'd come down to the lab to check on Jane's progress and made a few suggestions that Jane would later say were very astute and helpful.

Each time he visited, Darcy would wait until he was out the door, then look at Jane and say very seriously, “Tony motherfucking Stark has left the lab.”

Darcy knew that, theoretically, she could run into him at any time, given that this was his building, but she couldn't get over the fact that _Tony motherfucking Stark_ , the guy all over Inside Edition and every trashy magazine in the supermarket, was an actual person she sometimes exchanged pleasantries with. She still couldn't believe it.

All of that was in the back of Darcy's mind, but she played it very cool (in her opinion), and just smiled and said, “Good morning.”

Tony pushed the UP button, and Darcy was prepared to continue surreptitiously watching him from the corner of her eye when he turned to her and asked, “Just stand and watch elevators for a hobby?”

“Ummmmm, no?” she brilliantly replied. "I'm just, uh. Waiting for Jane." She gestured with the coffee in her right hand.

“That’s right,” he smirked. “Her boyfriend’s back. And you’re waiting for all the salacious details. Miss Lewis, I’m shocked!” He affected a scandalized look on his face for a second – widened eyes and gasping grin.

“I’m being a good friend and providing caffeine,” Darcy stated with a straight face. “If she accidentally spills any details before her brain is properly alert, that’s just something I’ll deal with when it happens.”

Tony chuckled, and the elevator dinged as the doors opened. Jane appeared, a soft grin on her face rather than the normal _I’m thinking deep science-y thoughts and am on the verge of discovering the secrets of the universe_ frown that was usually there.

“Good morning, Darcy!” she said brightly, then promptly yawned.

“COFFEE!” Darcy shouted. She shoved the cup in front of Jane, guilty at having been almost-caught discussing her friend’s personal doings with Tony Stark. “I mean, um. Good morning. I brought you coffee. I figured you’d need it,” she couldn’t help teasing with a wink.

“Yeah, uh, thank you,” Jane smiled, her face turning a cute shade of light pink. She walked carefully from the elevator.

“Looks like you had a good night,” Darcy couldn’t resist commenting.

Jane opened her mouth to reply, then looked over at Tony and snapped it back shut again.

“It’ll be just between us girls,” Tony said with perfect sincerity. Jane remained silent.

“Fine! I can tell when I’m not wanted,” Tony mockingly huffed and stepped into the elevator. The doors had been standing open for a suspiciously long time, like the elevator knew who he was and had decided he was more important than the doubtless many other people in the building who needed to use the elevator at that moment and -- Darcy did not want to think any more about that.

“I can’t promise, though,” he said as he turned back toward them, “that I am above bribing Captain Hammer with second breakfast and getting all the dirty details from him.” He winked as he pushed the button for his floor and started humming as the doors slid shut. Darcy finished the next line in her mind - _hey-la hey-la my boyfriend’s back_

Both women stood there in silence for a few moments before Darcy shook herself out of the enthrallment spell he'd cast.

“Tony motherfucking Stark, ladies and gentlemen!” She turned to Jane. “When did you two become BFFs?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” Jane replied, a puzzled look on her face as she continued to stare at the elevator doors.

“OK, he’s gone, so spill! I can see by the way you’re walking that everything’s proportionately built—“

“Dar-cy!” Jane interrupted her, face turning pink again.

“What? I’m your best friend, and best friends are supposed to share these things.” Darcy thought she was being quite reasonable.

Jane hesitated. “I’m just not sure that… “

“Fine, if the best friend thing doesn’t work, what about scientific curiosity? This is the first inter-species crossmating experience where the scientific community has a chance to gather data directly from the participants, and I think that, uh,” Darcy started to founder, “in the interests of… um. Scientific principle!” (Jane snorted), “you should, uh, share with the class the details of your hot inter-dimensional monkey love.”

“You started out really well there,” Jane complimented her as they started walking toward the lab.

“Thanks!” Darcy replied with a grin. “Just gotta work on my follow-through. Does Thor have to work on his follow-through?”

“Thor doesn’t have to work on his anything,” Jane replied, then clamped her mouth shut and glared at Darcy, who threw victory arms up above her head.

“Darcy, look,” Jane stopped in the hallway and turned to her. “I— It’s nice that you’re asking, and I’m really honored that you think of us as best friends because I haven’t…um, nobody’s really wanted to be my best friend since I started calculating derivatives in third grade.” She smiled her smile that Darcy was pretty sure always made everyone who saw it think of puppies and ice cream and unicorns jumping over effing rainbows. “I don’t really know what this thing with Thor even is. I need to think about things, then maybe tomorrow or the next day we can talk about it. Some. Not everything, but some of it. OK?”

“OK,” Darcy agreed. “I just wanted to be sure it was good for you, baby.”

Jane laughed, and they started walking again. “It was very good for me.”

Darcy couldn’t resist one last hit. “Did he give you the thunder from down under?”

“You are very lucky that I need this coffee so badly, or I would be dumping it over your head right now,” Jane replied as she took a drink and pushed open the lab door.

\-----

Around noon, Jane looked up from the notes scattered around her desk and said, “Darcy, what did you do to my poster?”

“Nothing,” she answered before glancing above Jane's work space at the framed poster she'd bought for Jane as a Welcome To Your New Lab! present. “Wait, is that...?”

She got up and walked over to get a closer look.

Behind the glass, Dr Horrible stood flanked by Penny and Captain Hammer, except where Nathan Fillion's face should have been heroically scowling out at them, there was a very professional-looking replacement of Thor's face. A little speech bubble came from his mouth, and in bright red letters it read, “The hammer is my penis!”

A short burst of laughter erupted out of Darcy before she clapped her hand over her mouth to stop it. Jane's face was beet red, and she just kept repeating, “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god” which made it even harder for Darcy not to lose it because her mind had apparently decided to spend the entire day in the gutter.

Once Darcy finally got her laughter under control, there was only one thing she could say. “Tony motherfucking Stark has left the lab.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title/lyrics from "My Boyfriend's Back", originally recorded by The Angels, then The Chiffons, then Martha and the Vandellas, then a whole bunch of other people.


End file.
